Missed part I? Check it out here!

65. Frankly, my dear, we’ll always give a damn.
64. You’ll never have to say sorry for party rockin’.
63. You won’t need to ride to work…you’ll be able to fly on a pterodactyl.
62. You’ll never have to worry about a pot bust again.
61. You’ll live in a glass house, but still be able to throw stones.
60. Chuck Norris will start writing awesome facts about you.
59. You’ll be rolling in the deep.
58. You’ll have a feeling that you’re not in Kansas anymore. (Which is great, because who wants to live in Kansas?)
57. Someone will make one of those “what people think I do” memes about you, and all the images will be sun, beaches, and parties.
56. Your computer will never crash again.
55. CMyLawyer means never having to say “derp.”
54. You’ll feel lucky, punk.
53. During the zombie apocalypse, everyone will want you on their team.
52. You’ll be immune to all future superviruses.
51. You’ll be glad you came.
50. You don’t want a monkey to attack you…right?
49. You won’t actually need to move anymore; you’ll be able to rotate the earth with your feet.
48. It does a body good.
47. You won’t need no stinkin’ badges.
46. You’ll always have backup if you get in trouble at school.
45. You’ll hitch a ride to the dagobah system and learn from Master Yoda.
44. You’ll be sexy, and you’ll know it.
43. We’re everywhere you want to be.
42. You’ll be faster than the speed of light.
41. You’ll sparkle in the sunlight, and the ladies will love it.
40. You’ll always be shaken, not stirred.
39. The odds will be ever in your favor.
38. ‘Cause it’s finger-lickin’ good.
37. You’ll always know what you’re gonna get in that box of chocolates.
36. You’ll learn the moves like Jagger.
35. You’ll have someone to call if you wind up with a misdemeanor.
34. You’ll always know where the beef is.
33. You’ll be back.

Want all these amazing things to happen to you? Sign up now! If you’re not convinced yet, stick around for part III!

101. You will instantly become 20% cooler.
100. You’ll always have Paris.
99. You’ll never have to worry about your traffic tickets.
98. You will learn how to think outside to box, how to leverage synergy, and how to divide by zero.
97. You’ll set fire to the rain.
96. Your grass will always be greener.
95. Four words: puppy dogs, kittens, rainbows.
94. The terrorists will lose.
93. Mrs. Robinson will try to seduce you. Even if you’re a woman.
92. You will finally find the proof in the pudding, at the bottom of the bowl.
91. The value of a bird in a bush will increase to two in a hand.
90. The lottery numbers in your fortune cookies will always be right. In bed.
89. Your arrest record can be sealed.
88. You will always have an ace up your sleeve.
87. You will feel sexier.
86. When you get a box of chocolates, you’ll always know what you’re gonna get.
85. The president will ask not what you can do for your country, but what your country can do for you.
84. There will always be an app for that.
83. Instead of having champagne tastes and a beer budget, you’ll have beer tastes and a champagne budget.
82. You’ll learn the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow. (African AND European.)
81. What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger.
80. You will be able to judge a book by its cover.
79. You’ll always have someone to call if you’re the victim of a crime.
78. You’ll always have at least two nickels to rub together.
77. There will NEVER be a Whammy.
76. You’ll learn how to use the remaining 90% of your brain.
75. You’ll know kung fu.
74. You’ll always land on Park Place and Boardwalk on your first turn of Monopoly.
73. Let’s say your grandmother smokes weed. What if you get caught with her weed?
72. You’ll be able to handle the truth.
71. You’ll find love in a hopeless place.
70. Mary Poppins will swing by your house, but she won’t have anything to do because you’re already awesome.
69. You’ll be able to solve a Rubik’s Cube in one turn.
68. Stevie Wonder will just call to say he loves you.
67. You’ll see the world through rose-colored glasses.
66. The Force will be strong with you.

Want all these amazing things to happen to you? Sign up now! If you’re not convinced yet, stick around for parts II and III!

Some of you may have heard over the last few days about a new song from Manufactured Superstars, featuring Paris Hilton breathlessly telling a cautionary tale about sending out text messages while under the influence. The song goes something like this:

No matter what you think about the song or Paris Hilton, the scenarios she describes are the kind that many twenty-somethings find themselves before they realize it. A photo you take, a text message you send, just about anything could get you into trouble that you don’t expect. Or worse, if you make some iffy decisions and text someone about it, those texts could wind up being the evidence that the police need in order to get you into some serious trouble.

In the song, Paris also talks about the practice of sexting, which sounds like fun— what’s the harm in passing around a few naughty text messages? But the reality is that sexting can get you in a LOT of trouble. If you’re under the age of 18, you could be slapped with child pornography charges, like a 14-year-old girl in New Jersey. Which of course means that if you’re over the age of 18 but your sexting partner isn’t, you could wind up with possession charges yourself.

Of-age drinking can be fun. You get a good buzz going and life just feels great. But we all know that drinking can impact our ability to make good decisions, and any poor decisions can be amplified infinitely when posted online by way of our cell phones.

Whatever her faults, Paris isn’t wrong when she says that “no one is safe in the Twitter sphere anymore.” Try to cool it on the drunk texting. But if you get in trouble, we’re here to help you.

Image © Jhaymesiviphotography

Image © Andy Powell [link: http://www.flickr.com/photos/andypowe11/3167197837/ ]

The Internet is buzzing with the publicly-revealed file that the FBI compiled on former Apple co-founder Steven Jobs in 1991. When he was a candidate for then-President George H.W. Bush’s Export Council, the bureau put together a file about Steve Jobs which was not entirely flattering. In the file, Jobs’ Apple and Pixar colleagues recommend him highly, but the government nonetheless found him “deceptive” and “stubborn.” And that’s before you get to the information about his youthful drug use.

Most businesses don’t have the resources to conduct as thorough an investigation as the FBI, but if you have any drug- or alcohol-related arrests that remain unsealed, they won’t need them. All of your lofty post-graduation goals can be squashed with a single bad decision. This is precisely why you need a lawyer you can build a relationship with: they can get the record sealed and protect your future. If you have any trouble of significance with your college, of the sort that could appear on your school record (such as a disciplinary hearing, perhaps related to an Occupy demonstration), this could also prevent you from getting that dream job at your favorite business.

Having a lawyer on-hand isn’t an admission of guilt— it’s proof of preparation, demonstrating that you are firmly invested in your future and are prepared to protect it.

If you thought that Occupy Wall Street was over, you were wrong— it’s still going strong in Washington D.C., in fact. And over the weekend, tensions rose after one protester was tased and arrested.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/one-protester-tased-arrested-at-occupy.

There is, of course, disagreement between the police and other protesters over whether the tasing constituted the use of excessive force. It’s not the first such story, either. Protesters could be getting into a lot less trouble if they knew one big step on the “how to protest” list: consult a lawyer.

If you are participating in, or even considering participating in any kind of demonstration, no matter how non-violent its intentions may be, you would be wise to consult a lawyer and to know your rights before you join the picketers. Police officers may have the best of intentions when they choose to “err on the side of caution” and arrest you, and once you are arrested you definitely want to consult a lawyer before assuming that your charges will be dropped.

People have strong beliefs and it is a wonderful feature of this country that we can express those beliefs every day and generally in the manner of our own choosing. Your intentions may be peaceful but the legal system can still wreak havoc on your future.

One way to prepare for such unexpected occurrences is to subscribe to CMyLawyer. Our low-priced monthly package includes legal support, whether you’re the victim of a crime or find yourself accused of one. We cover everything from traffic tickets to DUI and misdemeanor pot violations, as well as providing discounted services for other misdemeanors and felonies. For the full list of what you get with CMyLawyer, click here.

Here are some more tips for staying safe on New Year’s Eve:

• If your group can’t find someone who will be your designated driver, agree in advance to share a cab ride home. Make sure to put the cab company’s phone number in your cell phone BEFORE the party! (Bonus: some cab companies offer free rides on NYE. Do your homework if you want to save money.)
• Pay attention to your surroundings, especially if you’re at a bar or club instead of someone’s house. There are always people looking for an easy victim.
• Make sure there is always someone you know at any party or bar you visit. If you’re part of a group, agree in advance that no one gets left behind alone.
• If you’re the designated driver: be hyper aware of the other drivers around you. They may not be as sober as you!

Ernesto Miranda was a criminal. He was a convicted juvenile criminal, he was a criminal while in the military that got him a dishonorable discharge, and lastly, he was an adult, habitual criminal. Why do we care about Ernesto Miranda? Well, the landmark US Supreme Court case Arizona v. Miranda brought Ernesto infamy and brought American citizens a clear ruling regarding their rights upon arrest.

We have all read the Miranda warning at least once in our life or heard it on your favorite TV cop show. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in court. You have the right to an attorney and further you have the right to have that attorney present during any questioning. If you cannot afford an attorney, you have the right to have one appointed by the Court. The case was decided by the Court on June 13, 1966. Miranda had been arrested in Arizona for kidnapping, robbery and a sex assault. The Court ruled that even though Ernesto confessed to the offenses the police were investigating, he had not been advised of his rights and therefore the confession was not admissible.

The police had enough evidence, independent of the thrown out confession, that Miranda was re-tried for his crimes after the first conviction was set aside by the high Court. The second time proved the charm as Ernesto was convicted and sentenced 20-30 years in the Arizona State Prison System. He was paroled after serving just 11 years of his sentence.

I thought of good old Ernesto this morning after reading that the present Supremes are doing some trimming to the Miranda warning that has held its ground since 1966. They put limits on the warnings and the rights that go with them three times during this last session. In one instance regarding the right to remain silent and have counsel present during questioning the Supremes said that is good for about 14 days. The Court said that two weeks was adequate time to go find out their rights and get lawyered up before being contacted by the big, bad POLeese again, if a suspect in a criminal investigation.

I have a love for this ruling above and beyond any court case I have ever studied as a cop and defense attorney. The core premise that a suspect in a crime be advised of his 5th Amendment right against self-incrimination is the granite foundation of our criminal justice system, in my opinion. Having the valued right to remain silent, whether guilty or innocent, is paramount for individual rights.

When I was a cop I used to carry around a “Miranda” card in my shirt pocket..it was laminated. I knew the warning by memory, but it always made a better impression and suspects truly paid better attention if I pulled it out and read from it. I used it for my advantage, some cops bitched about it…but I thought it was the best tool I had. Post Miranda evidence and confessions were solid and I documented the warning every way I could to protect my case. Tainted evidence is the proverbial “fruit of the poisonous tree” and is excluded under the law. All my criminal investigations were grounded with the Miranda and I thought of poor old Ernesto every time I read from the card.

It seems that Ernesto really liked the fact that he was a celebrity of sorts after he was released from State prison. He got himself a box full of Miranda cards and would go around telling people his story, loving the fact that his name was printed at the top of the warnings. Being the kind of guy he was, he charged people $1.50 per card, but he thought it was a bargain because he also took care to autograph each one. I have looked around trying to find one of these cards…if you find one, let me know. I am willing to spend at least $2.50…inflation you see.

Ernesto walked into the La Amapola Bar on the night of New Years Eve, 1976. He was in search of a card game and found one…he also found trouble. Trouble had been around him his entire 34 years on earth but he had always managed to finagle out of it. It was not to be this night, words were exchanged, an accusation of cheating was levied, and one knife entered Ernesto’s chest.

Mortally wounded, Ernesto layed on the floor of the dive bar. The suspect ran but was tackled by others in the bar and held until the police made the scene. Bleeding to death, Ernesto, could not communicate to the investigating officers. One of them bent down and retrieved his wallet from his back jean pocket. Inside the wallet, was an Arizona state I.D., along with several yellow, Miranda Warning cards.

The arresting officer walked over to the suspect and read the warning to him off of an autographed card. The suspect exercised his right to remain silent and never made a statement. He later posted bond and absconded to Mexico before his first court appearance…never to be seen again.

Ernesto Miranda died that night on arrival at the hospital. You can argue that his was a wasted life…a life of crime and of putting others in misery. I say quite the contrary….his life was one of value and I continue to enforce that value every day I practice…as do all people involved in our criminal justice system. Do we really believe in justice…in equality under the law…in protecting the rights of all individuals under the law? IF your answer is yes….then you have to give it up a little for Ernesto. I am sorry for the victims of his crimes, I hope they recovered and lived good and productive lives. I am sorry for Ernesto and the miserable life he chose to live on this earth…but the irony of it is that out of that misery came something good. Every life has value, every person has some good in them, even if you don’t want their autograph.

Congratulations, you’ve made it past your adolescence and even through those awkward high school years. Now you’re on your way to college. It’s your first time living away from home and you’re finally an adult now…or so you think.

Sure, college comes with a new found sense of freedom and more than 101 ways to party; what it doesn’t come with is a handbook on what to do when the realities of adulthood catch up to you. But wait a minute, you’re a college student now, out on your own, taking on the world one frat party at a time… nothing can happen to you, right? But what if it does? Will you be prepared? Do you have someone you can rely on to help you?

The college experience is a great transition period. It is a time to make mistakes and learn from them. After all, these are the best years of your life. We just want to make sure you don’t end up with a permanent mark for a bad decision.

If you’ve got a loan coming in 2012 and had one between 2008 and 2011, good news for you: President Obama has been working with the Department of Education to implement a new student loan payment and forgiveness plan to make your life easier.

First and foremost, those payments that you make after college will be capped at 10% of your income. So if you’re not working, you’re not paying, and if you find yourself making ends meet with a part-time gig your monthly payment won’t be more than 10% of those hourly wages. Another big part of Obama’s plan is that if you make those monthly payments regularly for 20 years, and still haven’t paid off your loan, the remaining balance will be forgiven. (As it currently stands, loan forgiveness only comes after 25 years of regular payments.)

Other features of the plan include more savings by consolidating loans into one monthly payment rather than several, and encouraging universities to offer more information and education on the student loan system.

It’s great to see that the President is as devoted to making college students’ lives easier as we are here at CMyLawyer!

Your buddy in the passenger seat put his stash of weed in the center console when you left your dorm for the store. The officer is approaching the driver side window. OMG!!

Don’t panic. Remember what I have already blogged about regarding your actions during a traffic stop? Hands at 10 and 2 on the steering wheel… don’t reach for your license and insurance until you tell the officer you are about to do so. Passenger, keep your hands visible in plain sight. NEVER make quick movements to move the pot or other contraband… NEVER attempt to toss it out the window either, that never works out well for you.

The officer tells you he has pulled you over for rolling through a stop sign. You show him your license and insurance as he states, “You got anything in the car I should know about?” The answer is ALWAYS… and I mean ALWAYS: “No, officer.” The officer says he smells weed and asks you and your friend to exit the vehicle. The officer may ask for back up at this time, sensing he is about to make a bust. Again, don’t panic!

The officer will split up you and your friend. Police like to do this interviewing tactic because it works. They will tell you that your buddy has sold you down the river; your buddy has told them that there is pot in the car and it is YOURS!! Don’t believe it!! DENY, DENY, DENY!

The officer will ask you for CONSENT to search your vehicle. The correct answer to this question is: “No.” If the weed is in the center console of the vehicle, you and your friend can be charged with possession. Different states have different aspects of possession laws, but just trust me on this… if the dope is within reaching distance for you… it is in YOUR possession. It does not have to be on your person.

I get more clients as a defense attorney based on one fact… they consent to a search when they should say no. The officer is asking for consent because he doesn’t have another legal way to get at the interior of your vehicle. In some states the officer can actually arrest you for running the stop sign, then “inventory” your vehicle prior to impounding it. This is a chicken feather way to get at the dope, but believe me it is done… especially if you get mouthy. Cops have a name for people that are arrested for petty offenses after getting mouthy. They call them P.O.P offenses… (Piss off police).

Just know that Courts have ruled in the U.S. that the smell of weed in a car can add to the “totality of circumstances” to get probable cause to search for contraband. Some state courts have ruled the smell alone is enough, don’t gamble! If a cop stops you and your car reeks of weed, a good cop will find enough reasons to piece together a legal search. Make them work for it though… NEVER CONSENT. It will not help you down the road in court to show how you cooperated with the police. The police will lie and tell you it will help, but it plays no part in the negotiation your defense attorney will have with the prosecutor on your case.

If the cops legally search and get to the pot in the center console of your car, one of you should decide to take the rap by yourself. If you both finger point to the other guy, you will both be arrested. If you are going to be dumb enough to drive around with pot, have this discussion before you drive the car. The general rule is whoever brought the weed takes the arrest, plain and simple. And obviously, the best rule to live by is don’t be a dope and let anyone in your car with dope.

In this scenario, with no consent you will probably just get a ticket for running the stop sign. If it goes farther and someone gets arrested, keep your mouth SHUT. Never give a verbal or written admission regarding a crime to a cop. You have the right to remain silent, use that right!

If you get arrested for a small amount of pot, you can usually get deals to keep it off of your record if you are a first time offender. Those deals involve drug education classes, fines and court fees, along with random urine tests. It is not the end of the world but be smart and avoid this problem. If you must smoke weed, smoke it somewhere safe and don’t operate a car.

Most weed arrests for possession under 4 ounces average about $2500.00 for a good defense attorney. With CMyLawyer you pay nothing for that defense. 41 bucks a month and if this happens we will cover it for FREE. Smart Choice, Smart Attorney…..CMyLawyer.