101. You will instantly become 20% cooler.
100. You’ll always have Paris.
99. You’ll never have to worry about your traffic tickets.
98. You will learn how to think outside to box, how to leverage synergy, and how to divide by zero.
97. You’ll set fire to the rain.
96. Your grass will always be greener.
95. Four words: puppy dogs, kittens, rainbows.
94. The terrorists will lose.
93. Mrs. Robinson will try to seduce you. Even if you’re a woman.
92. You will finally find the proof in the pudding, at the bottom of the bowl.
91. The value of a bird in a bush will increase to two in a hand.
90. The lottery numbers in your fortune cookies will always be right. In bed.
89. Your arrest record can be sealed.
88. You will always have an ace up your sleeve.
87. You will feel sexier.
86. When you get a box of chocolates, you’ll always know what you’re gonna get.
85. The president will ask not what you can do for your country, but what your country can do for you.
84. There will always be an app for that.
83. Instead of having champagne tastes and a beer budget, you’ll have beer tastes and a champagne budget.
82. You’ll learn the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow. (African AND European.)
81. What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger.
80. You will be able to judge a book by its cover.
79. You’ll always have someone to call if you’re the victim of a crime.
78. You’ll always have at least two nickels to rub together.
77. There will NEVER be a Whammy.
76. You’ll learn how to use the remaining 90% of your brain.
75. You’ll know kung fu.
74. You’ll always land on Park Place and Boardwalk on your first turn of Monopoly.
73. Let’s say your grandmother smokes weed. What if you get caught with her weed?
72. You’ll be able to handle the truth.
71. You’ll find love in a hopeless place.
70. Mary Poppins will swing by your house, but she won’t have anything to do because you’re already awesome.
69. You’ll be able to solve a Rubik’s Cube in one turn.
68. Stevie Wonder will just call to say he loves you.
67. You’ll see the world through rose-colored glasses.
66. The Force will be strong with you.
Want all these amazing things to happen to you? Sign up now! If you’re not convinced yet, stick around for parts II and III!